GHPB: Warning (When I am an old woman I shall wear purple).

This is the poem that Jeremy referred to in The Eulogy. It was one Ester knew well.

Jenny Joseph, Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Aviva Dautch: "Each of us has a name"

Each of Us Has a Name
Aviva Dautch, eulogy in memory of Ester Gluck, 1 October 2006
L’HOL ISH YESH SHEM –EACH OF US HAS A NAME
by ZELDA (trans. Marcia Falk)

Each of us has a name
given by God
and given by our parents

Each of us has a name
given by our stature and our smile
and given by what we wear

Each of us has a name
given by the mountains
and given by our walls

Each of us has a name
given by the stars
and given by our neighbors

Each of us has a name
given by our sins
and given by our longing

Each of us has a name
given by our enemies
and given by our love

Each of us has a name
given by our celebrations
and given by our work

Each of us has a name
given by the seasons
and given by our blindness

Each of us has a name
given by the sea
and given by
our death.

Each of us has a name

Ester liked names. People named her and she named herself. She called other people names. Often wickedly funny and accurate names, sometimes complementary names, and sometimes…

Ester called Angela ‘Eima’. Angela called Ester, ‘Est’. In fact Angela stuck up phrases around the house: ‘Est is best’, ‘Impressed by Est’, and, a particular favourite, ‘Est well dressed.’

Each of us has a name… given by what we wear

Many of you on Friday will have heard Ester’s best friend Natalie call her ‘The Purple Princess’ and many of you today are wearing purple in her honour.

Each of us has a name given by God and given by our parents

Ester Bracha bat Moreinu Ha’Rav Tzvi Hersh v’Elka.

Ester Bracha.

Ester’s names say so much about her. Ester, the Persian Queen, whose book, Megillat Ester, is the one biblical story in which God’s name is not mentioned, in which God’s face is hidden. And ‘Ester’ literally means hidden. It may seem to us that God’s face is hidden also at this moment, for what has happened seems senseless.

Yet, Megillat Ester, infamous for God’s absence, is famous for human action. In a time when, because of jealousy, prejudice and fear, the death of the Jewish community was seemingly inevitable, lives were saved by the practical actions of Queen Ester. And that’s what our Ester was all about, practical action to change the fate of those attacked or disregarded by society. Practical action to make sense of the world.

Megillat Ester is not an easy story to read. God is absent, people are oppressed, the resolution is uncomfortable, and we are left with many questions. Megillat Ester is complex. But we acknowledge its complexity, wrestle with its meaning, and, year after year, celebrate the joy we can find within it.

Our Ester’s life was complex but it also contained much joy. And her full name was more than Ester, was ‘Ester Bracha’.

‘Bracha’ means blessing and knowing Ester was a blessing to so many of us in so many different ways. And it was the way Ester made Brachot, made ritual blessings, that showed me who she was. For when Ester led Birkat Ha’Mazon, Grace After Meals, it was not enough for her to make one general blessing for everybody, instead she named every person at the meal in order to bless them individually. The last time I saw Ester, on Rosh Hashana, even that was not enough for her. As well as their usual guests, Angela and Ester had invited home from Synagogue anyone who did not have anywhere else to go - many of us were strangers, so, to help us connect, Ester made us all name (and therefore bless) each other. Before she started bentsching she did something that I’m going to do now and that is to ask everyone present to turn to their neighbour and ask their name. And I’m going to ask you to do something more, which is, after giving your name, to tell each other very briefly, in a couple of sentences, about your relationship with Angela and Ester. Once you have introduced yourself to your neighbour on one side, turn around and do the same with your neighbour on the other.

[pause…]

Ester was all about knowing your name, creating relationships, making connections. She named us each individually, had a distinct relationship with every person. She knew us, and often helped us to know ourselves.

In my last conversation with Ester, on Saturday night, she described her new job and told me a story that I would like to share with all of you. One of the things her job involved was putting together and distributing a newsletter containing writing by detainees. One man she was working with sent her a description of his experiences and she had to tell him that she couldn’t use it – it was too factual and contained information about his interaction with the legal system that she wasn’t allowed to publish. So she talked to him about how to write creatively, in the hope he would produce something that she could print. He wrote a poem and sent it to her. He kept writing and sending her poems – poem, after poem, after poem came pouring out. It made her so happy because she had helped him use his experiences, she had helped him transform his memories, she had helped him to be creative.

Ester Bracha, you helped transform so many of our experiences. You named us, you knew us, you helped us know ourselves.

Ester Bracha, you were joyous, creative and giving. You were complicated. You were hidden. We each only knew you partially, but today we are going to share our knowledge because we want to know you a little better, and therefore, perhaps, know each other better.

Ester Bracha, you were loved by so many friends, lots of whom are here today. Several have asked, or have been asked, to share thoughts, readings, poetry and songs, so after the memorial prayers we are going to have a space for those people and others who would like to share memories of Ester and connect with each other.

Ester Bracha bat Moreinu Ha’Rav Tzvi Hersh v’Elka.

Zichronam li’vracha. May your memory be for a blessing.

Terri Dolan: beautiful Ester

Only a short time I knew you, but time is of no importance, what is of importance is the light left behind and yours glows ever bright Ester darling.
How privileged I am to have known you.
Love from Terri

Oh beautiful girl
Shining and twinkling
Smiling and happy
Face glowing
Wisdom flowing
Words knowing
The dark side hidden
Sharing your brilliance
Some night
When I look up at the moon
And reflect in its light
As it illuminates me, I will think of you

Caroline Orloff: full of love, Torah and song

I was not fortunate enough to have known Ester for long. But when I was first introduced to Angela - on my first Shabbat at New London, I was made to feel like I was part of the community. I felt even more welcomed when Angela introduced me to Ester. There was something about Ester that did not make one feel judged or critiqued. Being Jewish with Asian skin and features isn't an easy combination, but that was never an issue at New London, in fact, people were fascinated by it and Ester encouraged me to tell more people my story.

I remember the first time I heard Angela sing in the congregation, but that did not prepare me for Ester. As Rabbi Gordon said, Ester's layning really made you feel you were being heard by G-d, made you feel that she and you were the words you were uttering, singing, chanting.

Angela and Ester opened their doors to many and took me in more than once to celebrate the festivals. I stayed with them for Sukkot and had my first meal under a beautiful Sukkah. I was the first there so I could put away my things, and I remember entering a home that felt full of love and full of Torah, and most of all, full of song. Between Angela singing and humming in the kitchen and Ester 'performing' in her bedroom, bathroom, hallway, I felt I was privileged to have such sweet music to listen to. I also remember Ester's love of platform rubber shoes - which weren't just 'Good for Yom Kippur, but for everyday,' as Ester said.

I have missed New London since moving to Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I love the community and shul my family is part of, but what I miss are the familiar voices. I miss Chazzan Stephen's booming and commanding yet melodic voice - that made me not want to consider any other shul in London, I miss Angela and Ester's voices, I miss Ariella's voice, I miss Rabbi Gordon's voice, I miss Joe's voice, I just miss everyone.

During Rosh Hashana services last weekend, my first High Holyday service in the US, there was a young girl who daavened, and she was very very good. I thought how much I missed Ester's unique way and tune of daavening and how her voice commanded the attention from every corner of the room. One of Rabbi Hammer's friends who were visiting from the US and attended
the Minyan Chadash earlier this year, gave me a wide-eyed look just as Ester started to daaven and afterwards went up to her and asked where she had learnt the tune from as it wasn't US or European specific and Ester just smiled and said it was just the way she felt.

I wish I could have made the trip but due to my current immigration status here, I am unable to leave the US. Joe's trip is also a small representation of me as we both worked really quickly to find him a flight.

Angela, words cannot express the respect I feel for you for the person you helped Ester become, and also the sadness at such a great loss. You are an amazing woman and mother, and I am grateful that you and Ester welcomed me into your home. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

L'shana tovah tikatavu v'tikatemu
Tzom Kal
Caroline Orloff (formerly Yap)

Yoni Smith: There is a sweetness in the air

There is a sweetness in the air, can you feel it? a presence, a residue. Its still there, I see it as I close my eyes. It forms a rainbow of expression in my mind.

I smell flowers in my steps and the ground’s soft stones dance as I embrace them. It is gentle simplicity but deeply lost in translation.

There are two empty boats on a canvas and a black and white forest, and two frogs strain over a vine to see penguins kissing as the yellow sun rises heavily in a red sky over a reed ocean. And these are just the pictures in my zone.

Music spreads its wings over my understanding. Constantly and revolutionary. There is a well of possibility a little walk from here and I take my love on romantic walks and hear the bird song. She smiles at me often and I have the audacity to be embarrassed.

A woman that I loved has passed on her way to the rest of us, specks of dust. She was the dustiest dust I knew, at once so beautifully tiny and yet residing in the outer fringes of the most each of us can imagine or hope to achieve. Gorgeous. Inside her soul was whelming connectivity and love, organically becoming, ecstatic; that each of us graced by it felt wonder as if we had experienced it for the first time. Refreshing. A refreshing embrace of love.

In many ways she is no longer and it is because of these that I mourn. I cry tears without form and will weep purple tears that are wrapped with her soul. I imagine potentials where upon I will have the opportunity to evoke her energy inside myself. It is because of her residual energy that is at once so beautifully tiny, so hard to pinpoint and yet continually and refreshingly embracing each of us. It is because it is part of our everythings, inside all that we perceive. Embedded in our meanings, desires and intentions. It is because of our purple princess and all our personal possibilities, that in many ways she still is and will still be.

See now, there is a sweetness in the air, which once clothed her in dignity, is now an essential presence in the ether. Interwoven. The most beautiful tapestry of abstract.

Still moving.
Still touching.
Still loving.
And so I now look forward, to embracing and sharing in revelation, as we encounter her there.

These two passages have helped me…

Hineini oseh chadasha ata titzmach
Halo tedaooha
Af asim bamidbar derech bishimon naharot

See I do something new
Now it comes to light
Can you not see it?
I am showing you a path through the wasteland
and streams in a barren place.

Isaiah 3:14,19
Af-elohim yifdeh-nafshi miyad sheol ki yikcheyni selah:
Kalah sheyri oolvavi tzur-levavi vchelki elohim leolam:
Vyasav heafar al-haaretz cshehaya veharuach tashoov el-helohim asher natana:
Ani betzedek echeza fanecha asbuah bhakitz tmunatecha:

God will redeem my soul from the grasp of the grave. He will receive me.
My body and my mind shall fail but God remains the strength of my life and my everlasting destiny.
It is only the dust which returns to the dust as it was, the spirit returns to God who gave it.
I shall see your face in truth, as I awake from the sleep of death. I shall gaze upon your likeness and be content.
Memorial service

Joseph Landson: Ester's laining

How to describe Ester's laining of Torah?
A single voice with three halves:

• one half Ashkenazi;
• one half Sephardi;
• one half lost recordings of Nina Simone.

The most beautiful contradiction. I will miss it always.

Ryan Dolan : FULL RANT MODE

When I was asked to speak at the Shiva on Sunday morning I started off by saying that I couldn’t. I felt that I was not strong enough to stand in front of so many people who loved my Esterbeth and say what I was feeling.

I thought of reading the poem that Jeremy quoted but I knew that I would have to find my own words. I once wrote Ester a poem, a re-hashing of The Owl and The Pussycat.

The Hippy and the bureaucrat went to sea,
They sailed in a pending tray.
They had no fear, as a poem by Lear was certain to show them the way.

That’s all I could remember and my Esterbeth carried the poem with her. So from saying I couldn’t speak, I then said I wouldn’t speak. I wanted to use the words of that poem but those words are gone.

Then I thought of Nataloushka and how she stood at the funeral and spoke so bravely. Natalie you chased away the coward in me so that I had to speak. Like Ester I have seen you stand in one of the hardest places.

So instead let me tell you how we met. It was on a Wednesday in Powers. I was talking to a friend. Actually ranting at a friend and Ester being Ester was never one to let you rant alone. She sat down and said, “This doesn’t sound like your average pub conversation” and went into FULL RANT MODE with me. That was nine months ago and we have not spent much time apart since then.

Esterbeth first met my son on a Sunday mornings in the deli on Salusbury Road, coffee for Papa and apple juice for Louis. This became a highlight of our weekends. Louis loved her too. She was as childish as the pair of us and fitted right in. Ester even came chasing elephants around the city with us.

On our way to the deli one Sunday in a shop called Purple Heart we found a purple rubber duck for the bath, a perfect Esterbeth present. Never to be outdone, a week later through the post she sent me a rubber duck wearing a pair of shades. I still don’t know how hard she had to look for that.
We never had enough time together, and now there are no more words.

Catherine Grigg: She sat neath the lilac and played her oboe beautifully.

Goodness. 21 years of friendship makes it difficult to know where to start. I guess at the very beginning.. our childhood songs.
Not just the ones you sing at school, but the ones you sing at school then continued to sing for years to come;

• The one about the woman who sat neath the lilac and played her guitar
• The five hairy monsters in the playground
• Have you got the sunshine smile :-) (My gosh, Ester certainly had!!!)
• And then the one about the ooples and bonooonooos... (this starts off as "I like to eat, eat eat eat, I like to eat, apples and bananas..". Then you change the vowels each time so its.. "I like to ite, iples and bininis", "i like to oot, ooples and banoonoos...." so on and so forth...) Never failed to amuse us!!!

When Ester started volunteering at Salusbury Primary School she called me to say "Catherine! You'll never guess where I am!!" She said, "It's just the same but they've made everything so much smaller..".

Ester was the deepest purple. Not just as her favourite colour, she was deep purple.
Deeply passionate, deeply spiritual, open and accepting.

Her soul was open to everyone - connecting people on a deeper level than the everyday. In her prescence, one's own soul recognised that, even if the head didn't.
So, even if not having met up for a while.. we'd start talking, catching up... but before i'd know it, my soul was open too - free and at ease - talking about my deepest feelings and emotions... perhaps even ones i didn't know i had!

She saw people in their whole, their entirety, in their past present and future and because of this she would not cast judgement. Even if she knew that what you were doing in that time and space wasn't ideal... she would have faith in you, show support, encouragement and love.

Thank you darling Ester. You are my angel and my star. I will ALWAYS love you, for who you were, and who you are.